That Jess Ho

“So how was it?”

“That sandwich changed my fucking life.”

That was pretty much the beginnings of all my conversations on Friday.

You see, I had meant to go when they first opened.  However, I work in bumb-fuck St Kilda.
You see, I was meant to go to the launch.  However, I was in bumb-fuck Templestowe.
You see, I was meant to go with a few other sandwich freaks. However, I was in bumb-fuck St Kilda.

If you are on Twitter, you would have probably seen me whining about wanting to eat that pork belly sandwich, macarons by Duncan, or enjoy a lunchbox that would undoubtedly shit all over those from Cafe Vue (which you may know, has disappointed me the last few times I have eaten them).

Simon told me he was about to get in his car and drive a lunchbox to me because I was so annoying.

It was the longest fortnight of my life.

Then, after a night of boozing, confession and sneaky note leaving that would induce fear in a stranger, I am left traipsing across town with a head feeling like I had stuffed a watermelon inside it on the way home before kickboxing.

Not pretty.

But, it did allow me to visit EARL twice in one day and buy the last flavours of macarons by Duncan before the lunch rush and have a solitary doppio.

Now, I am sure we all know the philosophy of EARL.  An anagram of ‘real,’ that is what they aim to serve.  Real food, real simple.

Well, for them, anyways.  Jackie and Simon are aware of where their meats come from, how they are cooked, the quality of produce, sustainability and generally keeping it real.

Sorry, I had to make that pun.  It is, after all, their slogan.

Mineral waters, too, are local and their coffee is indeed Supreme.

All they’re waiting for is their liquor license and they will be fending me off with a stick.

Getting in early also meant getting a tour of the kitchen.  A small pantry of goods, a fresh sandwich bar with all the components made daily and draws of their vegetables, accompaniments and proteins underneath their bench.  They cook entirely on induction stove tops and have a rocking oven.

Their prized possession though, is the grill which you can see in the above photo that looks like a huge sandwich press.  On both sides, it reaches 240 degrees celcius, which makes for even cooking and getting the suits their real steak sandwiches to them in 1 minute and 20 seconds.

Rock on.

But, we all know the reason why I came here.

The mother fucking pork belly sandwich.

This baby, as I know it, sells out every day and is the talking point of every single food blogger.

I also am lucky enough to request a reserve of two portions of pork belly for my friend and I.  If I am going to eat pork belly sandwich, I damn well better kickbox the shit out of myself first.

But, the hangover didn’t help.  I was green for about fifteen minutes, but dry-retched myself through into an appetite for pork.

That being said, the pork is from Otway and is cooked for 16 hours, overnight and then blasted in the oven in the morning for that crackling that shatters in your mouth, but also has those air-pockets which trick you into forgetting you’re eating a slab of fat.

This is happiness at $13.50 with an apple, cabbage and fennel coleslaw, wilted silverbeet (which also gives it an illusion of health), stuffed in a Dench baguette.  Eating it does prove both messy and difficult, but if you’re ordering pork belly, you are not a precious person.

I never watched that Will Smith film called the Pursuit of Happiness, but I am pretty sure the remake in all its accuracy will be a fifteen minute short film of me wrestling with the EARL pork belly sandwich in a bodysuit, trying not to fall off a stool in excitement.

Personally, I think it is cruel to list this as the first item on the menu.  How can you go past this?

I have planned to come back here once a week to eat through their menu though, so…

I guess I’ll see you there.

EARL Canteen

Ground level,
500 Bourke,
Lt Bourke St courtyard,
Melbourne, 3000

(03) 9600 1995