That Jess Ho

Ok, that was just me watching too much Boosh in a coffee-come-down with my housemate.

I was either going to call the post that or, “What Russian Carpet Guy don’t know, is that if Russian Carpet Guy don’t dance, Russian Carpet Guy don’t eat.”

Irrelevant, but as with everything that has happened lately, I am quite unreliable in stories, let alone making them entertaining.

This just means that I am trying to be less sad and more sober.

Or at least not be sober for the right reasons.

If there are any.

But…I made this icecream for Joel and my orphans’ do for Festivus.

The deal was that everyone made a dish (which Joel & Co. had organised months before) and then we ate as kings and drank as rockstars.

I’ll spare you the drunken photo of Joel and I curled up on the couch downstairs with vodka before he decided to throw me in the ocean at 6:30am.

It’s on his wall.

Some icecream special concocted out of randomness.
Serves the people who are not too drunk to not eat.

600mL cream
100mL milk (full fat, if you’re going to fucking eat ice cream, just eat it)
1 tbs cardomom pods, cracked open with the side of a knife
1tsp saffron threads
8 egg yolks
220g caster sugar
2/3 cup of chopped, dried apricots (I used Happy Fruit’s low sulfur from the slow food market)
1/2 cup of toasted pine nuts, cooled
freshly cracked black pepper

Warm the milk and the cream in a saucepan with the cardomom.  Just before it hits the boil, turn it off and throw in the saffron threads.  Let it steep for about 20-30 minutes, or till it has cooled to blood temperature (meaning, you can stick your finger in it and you can’t feel it).  If you have a case of the cream-guilts, whisk the egg yolks with the sugar until thick and pale by hand.  If you don’t give a flying fuck, then use electric beaters.  Then, pour the warmed milk/cream business into the eggo business and stir together.  Clean the pot and dry, return the mixture to the pot and remove the cardomom.  Heat over a low flame, stirring constantly until you have created a custard.  Don’t overcook or curdle.  Usually, you can tell by running your finger along the back of a wooden spoon and being able to see a line created.
I have a bit of OCD and have a specific icecream spoon so my icecream doesn’t taste like whatever I usually use wooden spoons for.  They absorb flavour.  Just a little warning.
Place your custard in a bowl and chill in the fridge.
When it is cold, chuck it in your icecream machine, according to the manufacturer’s instructions or do the annoying thing and break it up with a fork ever 20 minutes until completely frozen, from the freezer.
I went the machine option, and in the last 5 mins of churning, crack pepper into the icecream and throw in your fruit and nuts.
Serve to drunkards.