I’m going to start this post off with a hmmmm, followed by I hate hipsters.
You all know I hate hipsters. If you don’t know how much I hate hipsters, or you are a hipster, then, sorry, you’re in for a mountain of hate.
Cavallero. Yes, they support streetsmart, but I am very sure they suck so much at life their contribution is very minimal. For those of you who haven’t been to Cavallero, it is that overly considered looking place with white walls and black gates on Smith St, near Johnston.
I had, at the time, been playing a game of neglect with a friend, and we decided the best time to rectify that would be over a convenient breakfast in the area post kickboxing, but pre-work for said friend. Yes, they work in the area. Go team. Organisation and efficiency is at it’s maximum, until we actually get to Cavallero.
It takes about five minutes for them to realise that we are menuless after we walk into the empty restaurant, request to sit outside and end up looking around. Oh, and have good conversation, naturally.
The restaurant/cafe is run by hipsters. I actually don’t know how they get anything done. But, apparently my friend is a determined sort and after being ignored for 30 minutes and leaving in a huff on his first visit and ignored again in the second, the breakfast was somewhat of a success. The food was good, just above average, but nothing worth waiting and being ignored for. I mean, if I wanted shitty service with average food in a hipster village, I would just eat at a cafe near Melbourne Uni or some shitty laneway which has perfected the art of the sandwich press.
Did I mention my coffee was burnt?
Friend’s 3 egg, goat’s cheese omlette, which looked a little dry and rubbery, with his side of tomatoes, which just looked wrong. Apparently it was alright.
I made the better choice though, baked eggs with beans, capsicum and Istra ham. Apparently, they felt the need to tell us their supplier, they couldn’t just say ham. Good flavours and the beans were cooked with enough bite, but the eggs were overcooked and also had a bit of a skin on it.
Meh, I could take it or leave it.
And my friend, with faith in his heart ended up attempting to go again for dinner. Apparently he was left sitting inside for 15 minutes before anyone noticed him, even though it was empty at 6:30, post going to an exhibition in the area, and then was greeted with, “Do you have a reservation, we’re fully booked.”
Nothing in attempts to offer them a quick meal on a table with a later booking, they wandered a few doors down after I raved to them about Provenance and they said they had a great meal, friendly service and it was cheaper.
That’s right kids, listen to mumma-Jess, hipsters are assholes.
Cavallero
300 Smith Street
Collingwood VIC 3066
(03) 9417 1377
14 Comments
Provenance is way out of Cavallero’s league! It is so much better. With Smith St being being such a confusing mix of different options, some places are so much better than others, and you can’t measure it by menu prices.
Yeah, which is insane because they ARE cheaper, friendlier, on the ball, well, altogether better.
We waited 45 mins for our order, which never arrived on a not-particularly-busy morning. The surly, non-apologetic hipster waitress just shrugged and said “Oh… we must have lost it” without apology. When we got out our wallets to (rather testily) fork over some cash for our pretty average coffees, she added, “Oh, I GUESS you don’t have to pay for the coffees…” Gee, thanks.
Never going back.
It’s so funny you posted this, I was just telling a mate of mine this morning (over breakfast at Proud Mary’s – yum) at how overrated Cavallero is.
The last time I went was a few months ago when I was served an appalling porridge. It had poached fruit on it with a (not-advertised) blood orange sauce that was sickly sweet and poured over everything. It was actually inedible. I ended up managing to pour the sauce into my coffee cup and eat around the rest of it, but I haven’t been back and don’t plan to! There are too many good places around the area to bother eating somewhere crap.
Oh my, I cannot bear stroppy hipsters running cafes. The only thing worse are the confusing hippy-hipsters who run Animal Orchestra. I’m not quite sure if it’s ‘done’ to like Seven Seeds or not, but they notice when you walk in, put interesting things on toast and don’t mind if you hold up a table for too long marking essays. It was a relief when they opened.
That’s a lotta hate right there. I’d be scared to cook you breakfast for fear of the critique.
Ruth- that is outrageous, I don’t know how the hell they were listed in “cafes to go to” in the Gourmet Traveller recently.
Emily- Shudder. Did they put you off porridge for the rest of your life?
Rach- I was thinking of AO when I was writing the thing about Melbourne uni. I tend to prefer Seven Seeds as well, but when I went to uni, I’d walk an extra five and go to Lygon Food Store or Carlton Espresso, or Ciccolata. So much better.
Pete- C’mon, join the hater’s club, you know you want to. And I think that is why I’m always cooking, the only people who don’t care what I think are my awesome high-school friends.
Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. I’m not normally a violent person, but everytime I see a hipster doofus in tight black jeans I just want to give them an atomic wedgie right over their stupid haircuts.
Oh Jess I’m so relieved! I hated that place a little from the first moment I saw it (more and more each time afterwards). Those gates, those walls… then I reflected maybe I my deep abiding resentment was baseless, I could be wrong. But I’m not! All the joy of validation without having to suffer a bad experience myself, thanks!
What a horrible stack of untrue shit you’re peddling here. More room at Cavs for nice people I guess. http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/blog/hating-hipsters/
Elegant- you know it’s true.
Alex- not worth the trouble.
Hating the Ho- Re comments above, also, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
supporting streetsmart? my friend was eating there recently when a local vagrant came up and started pottering about. the staff ejected him in such a nasty, fucked manner that she became really upset and had to leave. how’s that for support?
Yep, hipsters are arseholes.
worst. service. ever. provenance is 1000 times better!
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