So Blah-ed out

Le sigh.

You know that I am going to be mightily disappointed when I start with sigh, let alone prefix it with a, “le.”

Despite the quality company and the ridiculous conversation and YouTubing of Milk Tray ads from before I was even a zygote, I still make a sad face.

If you are unaware or Twitterless, a Claire, Ed, Brian, Suzanne and I went to Cafe Vue for their cocktail night.  They were running under a brandy theme.
We’ll get on with the disappointment, now, shall we?

The Contessa.  It was like drinking a sour pot-pourri.  Really, A little too lavander-ish for me.
Enough with using lavender already.  It’s just wrong and makes me think of toilets in the houses of my primary school friends.
Oh, and I grew up in Taylors Lakes.
Jerusalem Artichoke Three Ways.  The only savoury food that impressed me.  The starch-ball is served in three layers; from top to bottom, a foam, gel and a puree.  The only sad thing was that we had to eat the puree with the ends of our spoons as the spoon wouldn’t go all the way down the shot glass.
Design fail.

Cobbler’s Dream.  Very sweet, as it suggests.  Although, when it was explained, as we are not American Scum, they are talking cobblers as in the dessert.  When I read this, I really thought of it as a shoe maker, and wondered if I would be tasting Moccasins.  There was a slight aniseed flavour in this, which I enjoyed.  In case you didn’t notice, in the background, there is Ed, pointing at his imaginary friend.

Tuna Taco.  I don’t know about you, but because of Phil and my generation, this just make me think, “Hmm, vagina.”  Corn caramel, which was way too sweet, filled with raw, diced tuna and deep fried onion.  Stuck to the plate with an avacado puree.  Huge miss for me, the corn casing was too sweet, and you couldn’t taste the tuna, which is a waste.  The tomato dollop on the side, as you see, was just irrelevant and didn’t add to anything at all.

Hop Toad.  A foam in a drink…obviously it was left in the glass after all the liquid went through it.  Again, an aniseed-y one, but after the description, we all expected it to be a warm drink.  The spices just didn’t carry through.

Mini Egg and Pork Pie with Pea Floater.  This was the most disappointing dish for me, of the evening.  It is one of those sounds-good-on-paper-but-bad-in-practice dishes.  It seemed that this is one of those things that you cannot really reinvent and make ‘fine.’  The pastry was too short, as it was a parmesan pastry, there was too much fat in it, which didn’t compliment the filling of pork and quail egg at all and crumbled at a touch which made for difficult eating.  The pork was underseasoned and not fatty enough and the quail eggs were overcooked to the point where there was a rubbery  film over the top.  I think the yolk was meant to be raw to add the fattiness and richness to the filling.  The pea puree added much needed moisture, but it wasn’t enough to save the dish.

Palinka.  It was recommended that we eat the garnish of marinated cherry and dehydrated orange zest after the drink.  There was just something off about it, for me.  I mean, really…why dehydrate peel and then put it back in a liquid?  The citrus was too much to handle in the end.  There should haev either been less of, or fresh zest to take the edge off.

Whipped Brie Profitroles with a salad.  The salad with a tangy dressing made this course.  Personally, I thought there were too many profiteroles, and the brie didn’t really add anything to it.  I understand the idea behind this, but it didn’t have enough dimension to it.  It was flat.  That and the choux pastry tasted stale, and I ended up leaving it behind…sadly.

Flip off the Devil.  This was citrussy and was a good compliment to the dessert.  It was noted that we would probably just for this, if it were on offer.  Obviously, by this stage, we also agreed that we were just drinking Barbie’s dreams and would go into a sugar coma.

Warm Amedei Chocolate Mousse with powdered orange segments and pear carpaccio.  This was amazing, if not pretentiously named.  The orange tied the cocktail to the dessert and the warm mousse was great.  I am not usually a sweets person, but it wasn’t an overly sweet one.  The reason why I say this is pretentiously named is because the pear was just thinly sliced on a mandolin, seriously, why is everything served raw a carpaccio?  For fucks sake, it isn’t going to taste any better in a different language.  It is just a pear.

So, these nights are $75 and they also try to push other drinks on you while you’re doing this.  The service is good, but they also got a new guy in and threw him in the deep end, and obviously with the wrong crowd.  He didn’t take away from the experience though.

Cafe Vue

Vue de monde – Normanby Chambers
430 Little Collins Street
Melbourne VIC, 3000

Telephone: +61 3 9691 3888
Facsimile: +61 3 9600 4600

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